Wednesday, June 27, 2007


ONCE he strode the world like a collossus, carrying all before him.

Crowds lined the streets, open mouthed as his chauffeur-driven Jaguar sped by.

He rubbed shoulders with the great and the good, courted the glitteratti and enjoyed luxury holidays in the sun.

Some critiscised his love of the high life, his ego and his fondness for a quick and easy headline.

Even the press seemed in thrall to him.

But today, dear readers, we have witnessed the end of an error.

Sir David Henshaw has finally departed Liverpool, leaving his house at 9 Barkhill Road, Aigburth like a thief in the night.

All that is left to remind us of his evil reign of terror is an empty safe left in the attic and a huge pile of unused rubber heels found beneath the floorboards.

Sir Diddy's huge cheese plant - appropriately presented to him by an obsequious former colleague - lies forlorn and forgotten in the corner of an empty downstairs room.

His new oak and granite kitchen, paid for with his £16,000-a year expense account, is deserted. No sign of any humble pie here - of course, the beans had been spilt a long time before.

His favourite desk plaque, which he had brought from his office in the Municipal Buildings when he had been forced out, has been left discarded on the bare floor. "Sack someone today" it proclaims, underlining Sir Diddy's crude and humourless management style.

On the floor behind the letter box lies only a pile of discarded junk mail - offering homes abroad, offshore bank accounts and tax evasion strategies.

The only clue to Sir Diddy's fate is a £12,000-a-year council computer screen still left switched on. Frozen forever, for all to see, is an image of Kirk Douglas with arm raised aloft in triumph.

Neighbours were today mystified by Sir Diddy's sudden disappearance.

"We don't know where the little bastard has gone," said one neighbour, "we heard some strange sounds - like a huge pile of coins being counted - in the middle of the night and in the morning, the house was empty.

"We never liked him - he was a sanctimonious, evil little shit with a massive ego."

But official sources in the city say Henshaw has finally departed Liverpool for pastures new in mid-Wales and his luxury apartment in Manchester city centre.

"His name will be forever mud in Liverpool, "said one member of the great and the good. "No one has a good word to say about him any more - everyone knows that he was bad news for Liverpool. The evil cabal blog did him in, good style - and deservedly so."

A few miles away in a safe house, surrounded by laughing and excited friends and relatives, Tony Parrish sipped his champagne. And smiled contentedly.

Friday, June 15, 2007


THE law-breaking and disgraced chief executive, Sir David Henshaw is on the move again.

Readers will recall how Sir Diddy has put his house in Barkhill Road, Aigburth up for sale, (on the quiet, ed) and has already parted with some of his blackmailed cash to buy a luxury penthouse in Manchester.

Now we hear he has bought yet another isolated holiday home in Wales, where he can hide away and try to avoid bumping into anyone from Liverpool .

We think his new far from humble abode is in Cardigan (actually, we have forgotten exactly where it was, ed) - but whether he plans to keep his former holiday home in Harlech, we have not yet discovered.

Anyway, exactly where council taxpayers money has been squandered is one thing. Another thing is crystal clear - the dread knight is turning out to be a proper little welsher, isnt he?

And there is more.

Sir Diddy has apparently been complaining bitterly to that August journal, the Liverpool Echo that they have printed details both about his holiday home in Harlech and his recent efforts at entrepreneurship - using the £340,000 he blackmailed from Liverpool to create the David Henshaw Partnership (it's still only him and his missus, btw, ed).

He rang the Echo up to rant and rave about his privacy being invaded, complain that he was being victimised (cheeky bastard, ed) and singling out that legendary Liverpool solicitor of this parish, Prof Rex Makin, for particular complaint (keep it up, Rex! ed)

Sir Diddy also repeated several times during his rant that he was "not bothered about the blog, not bothered about the blog, not bothered about the blog" - repetition is a verbal tic of his which always means that he is lying.

(Repeating the same phrase is a familiar habit of people who are trying to persuade themselves that what they are saying is true, comments a resident psycho-analyst).

Another well-informed local journalist who has observed Sir Diddy's lonely lounging about down Aigburth way has opined: "he's obviously not a happy man."

News of which makes us very happy, indeed.