Thursday, March 22, 2007


By Jove missus! Can't a man slip quietly away into retirement without being hounded by this blog?

All i want to do is sit on me mushroom in the garden and every now and then get the rake out and go looking for cash. Is that a crime? It's hard for us pensioners to make ends meet, so i am forced to take on the odd job here and there. Panto is a long way off you know and there's a lot of local competition for the role of Sleazy right now. Mind you missus there is a clear favourite for Dopey, and Doc fixed himself up as soon as he knew i was off. But who on earth are they going to find to play Snow White? Ha ha by jove, that'll be like trying to find a weasel in a pay-stack.

So, I have to keep going, no rest for the wicked and no listeners either if we get the licence. yes you may have heard about my radio bid...that's the wireless missus. Bring back Jimmy Young!! What's the recipe today Jim? Usually something a bit fishy. Yes my venture into broadcasting with Dickhead FM has been resurrected again but this time for the Valleys of Wales. At least i won't have to play the bloody Beatles, those mop topped morons i had to keep praising in Liverpool. Capital of Culture missus! A bit more than "yeah, yeah yeah...", "Sgt Bradleys lonely hard up plans.", "Eleanor Rathbone" and "He's been a Hard Faced Knight and he was working with the Dog" A load of rubbish! I'll show you ungrateful turn-coats what real culture is, once I get my own 5 hour daily radio slot. Diddy David?.... Blast and discomknockerations! I may have to change my name there's another one already! Ahh I know, Diddy Dafyd, yes you see, I am still quick on me little feet missus.

Yes i will need to appeal to a Welsh audience, highlight my background in the jam butty mines, my diddy davey lamp on my head and face red with jam on my way home from the pit for a tin bath in front of the fire. A simple welsh rarebit from Fortnum and Masons warming on the Aga. First record will be to celebrate the Big Dig, "Road Rage" by Catatonia, actually that reminds me of look on the faces of the audience during my recent lecture tours "Forty Days And Forty Winks with The Squire of Grotty Cash"

People really are queueing up to see me speak. I must demand a smaller lecturn though, I get out of breath jumping up and down so they can see my head.

So missus back to Bighead FM, I am going to take the airwaves by storm, a little opera slot in the missus not Oprah! Opera...Verdi,Puccini,Lasagne. If I may be serious for a moment ladies and gentlemen, I have actually re-written Wagners Ring Cycle for modern day. In my new version Das Merseygold, starts with the blonde merseymaids guarding the Lieverpool gold and then along comes a poisonous little dwarf who tricks them all stealing lot. He renounces love and honour because he can still have lust and wealth. That is followed by The Valkries, where the blonde maidens really start to get screwed for losing the gold, you know the main tune..used in the war film film Apackofcrisps Now! Dumb diddy dumb dumb, dumb diddy dumb dumb...and by jove you were dumb!
Then there is Seigleader, the noble fool who brings about his own downfall trying to take on
the poison dwarf. And of course it all ends in tears with the Twighlight of the Dogs in Bloggerdammerung, as we see the downfall of the gods through greed, avarice and betrayal.

You see i can be serious and satirical missus and once my updated version is produced, I fully expect once again to have people worshipping my jove back to the smut and innuendo quick as a flash!

Now before I go, i must say something about the Sir Diddy Hogwash Partnership, my little investment company to set aside something for a rainy day. If you want to be in my company and not many do, in fact so far it's just me and Lady Diddy, and she's not that keen, you can buy a share for a quid. This company could be hugely influential, alter the course of business for the 21st century.....a soon I find out what it does, we can start influencing. So come on down, the price is right missus, what's a pound to you? You already handed me 340,000 of them for nothing, by jove and there's plenty more out there!

A quick hello by the way to one of my ex Diddyrectors whom I hear is making a local comeback, Cheeky Chuck Parker. A fine young man who will go a long way, the further the better. You'll get no more out of me! I hope he can make a contribution to capital of culture, he was always full of bright ideas, always looking to dip his nib and get something down. I remember us thrashing around a few ideas about what we could do to make capital of culture a success. Like me, he isn't a fan of the Beatles (Jo Brown and the Bruvvers)and obviously a re-union was off the cards but people were pushing to get Paul McCartney involved. Charlie said that Mccartney was an idiot and had done of nothing merit since the Beatles. Well what about Wings? somebody said and Charlie replied, "Yes that would be good, we could sell wings with commemwerwative bwacelets wiv the 08 wogo on" Titters all round missus and the usual arguments followed as people walked out including Charlie saying they couldn't work amongst all the wanqours and compwete wack of wespect.

And that's what we need wespect...Respect especially for our elderly citizens...Up the pensioners! So come on, show you still care, send me a quid and buy a little bit of Diddy. After all i have done you for, support me now in my hour of greed.

And now now before Sailing by on Wicked FU here is the Grabbing Forecast...

Tatty bye everybody Tatty bye!

Sir David Henshaw

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


DISGRACED chief executive Sir David Henshaw is putting on his dancing shoes (cuban heeled, ed) and making a bid to set up a radio station in South Wales.

Sir Diddy is a Director of Wicked FM (you couldn't make this stuff up, could you? ed) which is bidding for the independent local radio licence for South Wales.
Readers will remember Wicked's first bid for Liverpool last year ended in disaster for Sir Diddy and cost him a few bob.He was then Chairman of the Liverpool bid for obvious reasons. But he has now been demoted to a Director and Wicked have instead got a Welsh bloke to front up their application, so they look a bit local.
But in their submission document for south Wales (which is interestingly NOT in Welsh, ed) Wicked FM still make Sir Diddy one of their big noises.
They say of Sir Diddy:
"Sir David brings an insight into the importance of the relationship between media broadcasters and the local community (do me a favour, ed). His experience in creating critical bridges between the two is an invaluable part of the Wicked FM bid." (This bid is obviously also doomed, ed)
This will all be news to staff at Radio City in Liverpool, which Sir Diddy once loftily dismissed as 'very low grade', promising never to darken its doorsteps. It will also be news to staff at BBC Radio Merseyside for which Sir Diddy had a similarly lofty disdain.
More importantly it will be news to the local community in Liverpool who Sir Diddy robbed blind during his time as chief executive, when he lined his own pockets at its expense.
Sir Diddy has 500 shares (bought with council taxpayer's money, ed) in Wicked FM which will be "a modern rock station supplying chart and album track indie, alternative rock and rhythmic guitar based music from the last 20 years meeting the clear demand in South Wales for a station that satisfies audiences under 40 who don’t want either chart pop based music or RnB dance music," their submission breathlessly intones.
And it goes on: (oh tell me it does'nt, ed)
"The tone of the station will be undeniably Welsh. Wales is currently reasserting its culture, re-establishing nationhood and building a future for its citizens, particularly the young, who will be the ones to realize Wales’s future. The station will be totally committed to satisfying its Welsh audience and advertisers, it will be the antithesis of a station/format imported from England. "
Funny that everyone listed as a Director is both English and an imported old has-been, like Sir Diddy. His only connection with Wales is his legendary holiday home in Harlech, which has surprisingly still not been targetted by incendiary Welsh nationalists. (Altogether now: 'we'll keep a welcome in the hillsides....', ed)
The franchise is the largest in Britain and Sir Diddy hopes it will give him a cuban-heeled foot in the door to other lucrative FM radio franchises in Wales. (After that it will be Poland, and then world domination, ed)
Here's some other info from the Wicked bid document:
• Wicked FM is majority owned by UK Media and Radio Ltd, which is principallyfunded by the Global Media Rights Fund, a Jersey based investment fund with a commitment to investing in UK commercial radio.
And this is the info about Henshaw:
Occupation: Chairman NHS North West
Other Directorships: Non Executive Director Hedra Plc
Non Executive Director Albany Investment Trust Plc
Non Executive Director North West Enquirer Ltd
Other Media Interests: None (he reads the Independent, doesn't he
???????????? ed)
Sir David Henshaw was the Chief Executive of Liverpool City Council from 1999 to 2006. He was also Chief Executive of Liverpool Culture Company, Deputy Chair of the board of the Mersey Partnership and Chair of Liverpool Partnership Group (blah, blah, blah, ed)........ he obtained a degree at Sheffield in Public Administration (he's still ashamed he went to a Poly, isn't he? ed) and then a.....(blah, blah, blah...ed)
The funniest thing is that Sir Diddy, who thinks The Magic Numbers are the pension he robbed from Liverpool, only likes opera and even had to hide his dislike of The Beatles from councillors in Liverpool!
Sir David Henshaw

Saturday, March 10, 2007


DISGRACED former chief executive Sir David Henshaw is hitting the lecture circuit - to try and cash in on Liverpool.
Sir Diddy has been using the old pals act around his contacts in SOLACE - the Society for Local Authority Chief Executives - to try and get himself another earner.
The tactic of hawking himself around has paid off in at least one case - Henshaw has been booked to appear at a seminar next month.
Sir Diddy will be donning his best suit, shining up his Cuban heels and driving down to Birmingham in his new range rover for the ICS Annual Public Sector Seminar on 19-20 April.
This little talking shop is being hosted by Stephen Hughes, Chief Executive at Birmingham City Council, who is an old contact of Henshaw's - the two go back even before the blackmailer was at Knowsley.
Hughes is also a mate of Sir Michael Lyons - the guy brought in by Henshaw to mediate with council leader Mike Storey at the height of the civil war in Liverpool.
It now seems that Lyons may not have been as independent and neutral as was claimed at the time.
Henshaw is described in the publicity material for the seminar as "high-profile and authoritative" (Christ, these people will believe anything won't they? ed).
The publicity makes no mention of the fact that councillors in Liverpool refused to work with Henshaw any longer after his attempted coup and blackmailing.
They eventually showed him the door just as the full scale of his corrupt mismanagement was becoming clear.
Amongst the other speakers are:
• Stephen Taylor, Chief Executive, from the Leadership Centre for Local Government and
• David Clark, Director General, the Society for Local Authority Chief Executives and Senior Managers (SOLACE).
Both of these are also loyal Henshaw acolytes who are part of a small local government coterie which Henshaw cultivated while at Knowsley and then Liverpool.
They are all part of the SOLACE network whose main purpose in life appears to be staging conferences and seminars at which their mates are the guest speakers!
They all take turns apiece to appear and try to impress the impressionable in local government.
And Henshaw's fee for appearing at this latest stop by the SOLACE gravy train?
Of course the conference organisers won't reveal this informatiom, but informed sources tell us Henshaw will be trousering £6,000 for his one-hour appearance.