GREEDY HENSHAW - THE HIGHEST PAID BUREAUCRAT IN THE COUNTRY, from the Torygraph

Councils hide top salaries

By Robert Watts,

Sunday Telegraph
Council bosses are going to extraordinary lengths to keep their salaries secret - even claiming their children will be bullied at school if the six-figure sums are made public.
The excuse is being used by local authorities to keep taxpayers in the dark about executive pay rises at a time when council tax bills have risen by up to 12 per cent a year.
Disclosing the names and pay of top earners would "prejudice an individual's spouse and children", leaving them "vulnerable to approaches from aggrieved people who perceive their level of payment to be a waste of public money", according to one local authority.
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Publication could be viewed as an "invasion of privacy" under the European Convention on Human Rights, according to Hampshire County Council. A spokesman said employees' children could be subjected to playground bullying.
Corin Taylor, the head of research at the pressure group TaxPayers' Alliance, said councils should be made to publish precise pay data. All public companies, government departments and quangos have to reveal the names and salaries of top earners.
However, councils are required only to publish tables listing how many are paid in each £10,000 salary bracket.
Mr Taylor said: "The secrecy of councils like Hampshire is clearly an affront to democracy."
The Alliance asked 200 of Britain's 500 councils for the names and salaries of staff paid more than £100,000; 30 failed to disclose this data.
The best-paid official in local government last year was the head of Liverpool City Council, Sir David Henshaw. In his final year in office, he was paid more than £360,000.

COME ON TONY! GIVE US A BREAK BEFORE YOU GO....

OUTGOING Prime Minister Tony Blair is being asked to approve a Downing Street petition calling for Sir David Henshaw to be removed as Chair of the North West Regional Strategic Health Authority.
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/
But don't hold your breath that TB will suddenly see the light about Sir Diddy, as he departs at the end of his 10-year rule at No 10.
So far the hard-pressed e-petitions team at Number 10 have already rejected three separate anti-Henshaw petitions.
The excuses for rejection offered by the Civil Service mandarins (all colleagues of Sir Diddy of course, ed) who administer the petitions web site have grown steadily more absurd and preposterous.
It seems they are intent on protecting one of their own.
Why is Sir Diddy, who pockets £40,000 a year in public money for being Chair of the RHA, so protected?
Why cannot he be critiscised, face a public call for his dismissal, or be held to account (even by Number 10)?
So much for democracy in our National Health Service.
We expect to hear very shortly that Attempt No 4 to petition the Prime Minister to dismiss Henshaw has also been rejected.
In the meantime, you can have a look at the three previous attempts to expose Henshaw as an evil blackmailer... Attempt Number 1 came with this petition to Number 1o:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to: 'remove Sir David Henshaw as Chair of the North West Strategic Health Authority' in the light of statements made by councillors in Liverpool and reports on a number of blogs, including the Henshaw and the Evil Cabal blog, we consider Sir David Henshaw to be unfit as a public servant to be left in charge of the region's health service. (seems a perfectly fair petition to me and would, no doubt, have got considerable public support, ed)
And this was the eventual response from No 10:

Hi,

I'm sorry to inform you that your petition has been rejected. Your petition was classed as being in the following categories:

* Potentially libellous, false, or defamatory statements

Presumably the bureaucrats believe it is "potentially libellous" to say that Sir David Henshaw is unfit to be in charge of the region's health service. This of course, ignores the views of 20 MP's, including the chair of the Labour Party, Hazel Blears MP and former Health Minister Jane Kennedy, MP, who said exactly the same and publicly protested about Henshaw's appointment.

Attempt No 2:

The petition was edited and re-submitted as follows:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to: 'remove Sir David Henshaw as Chair of the North West Strategic Health Authority' In the light of statements made by councillors and officials in Liverpool and reports on a number of blogs, including the Henshaw and the Evil Cabal blog (perfectly factual account, ed)

But this was the response from No 10:

Hi,

I'm sorry to inform you that your petition has been rejected again.

Your petition was classed as being in the following categories:

* Potentially libellous, false, or defamatory statements

So it looks as though, in our great democracy, you cannot now even make reference to statements made by senior councillors about Henshaw's blackmail and attempted coup d'etat!Notice how no details of these were even given in the petition, but it was still rejected by Number 10.

So here was Attempt Number 3

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to: 'remove Sir David Henshaw as Chair of the North West Strategic Regional Health Authority' because his previous behaviour as chief executive of Liverpool city council makes us fear for the future of our Health Service (perfectly understandable point of view, ed)

But this was the response from the mandarins at Number 10:

Hi,

I'm sorry to inform you that your petition has been rejected.

Your petition was classed as being in the following categories:

* The names of individual officials of public bodies, unless
they are part of the senior management of those organisations

* Language which is offensive, intemperate, or provocative

Now they appear to have decided that we can't even name Sir Diddy, nor say anything at all about Sir Diddy, even though he is being paid as a public servant on a public body. (And they don't like the fact that we fear for our Health Service either, ed).

Anyway this is Attempt No 4:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to: 'remove Sir David Henshaw as Chair of the North West Strategic Regional Health Authority'. (simple and to the point, ed)

Presumably they will reject that as well, because it refers, outrageously, to Sir Diddy by name. (Perhaps we should go for the record of having the most petitions rejected by Number 10? ed)

Sir David Henshaw

PROFESSOR CHUCKLEBUTTY RETURNS.....TO PLAY SOME OF SIR DIDDY'S FAVOURITE SONGS: 'HE'S BEEN A HARD-FACED KNIGHT AND HE'S BEEN WORKING WITH THE DOG....'

By Jove missus! Can't a man slip quietly away into retirement without being hounded by this blog?

All i want to do is sit on me mushroom in the garden and every now and then get the rake out and go looking for cash. Is that a crime? It's hard for us pensioners to make ends meet, so i am forced to take on the odd job here and there. Panto is a long way off you know and there's a lot of local competition for the role of Sleazy right now. Mind you missus there is a clear favourite for Dopey, and Doc fixed himself up as soon as he knew i was off. But who on earth are they going to find to play Snow White? Ha ha by jove, that'll be like trying to find a weasel in a pay-stack.

So, I have to keep going, no rest for the wicked and no listeners either if we get the licence. yes you may have heard about my radio bid...that's the wireless missus. Bring back Jimmy Young!! What's the recipe today Jim? Usually something a bit fishy. Yes my venture into broadcasting with Dickhead FM has been resurrected again but this time for the Valleys of Wales. At least i won't have to play the bloody Beatles, those mop topped morons i had to keep praising in Liverpool. Capital of Culture missus! A bit more than "yeah, yeah yeah...", "Sgt Bradleys lonely hard up plans.", "Eleanor Rathbone" and "He's been a Hard Faced Knight and he was working with the Dog" A load of rubbish! I'll show you ungrateful turn-coats what real culture is, once I get my own 5 hour daily radio slot. Diddy David?.... Blast and discomknockerations! I may have to change my name there's another one already! Ahh I know, Diddy Dafyd, yes you see, I am still quick on me little feet missus.

Yes i will need to appeal to a Welsh audience, highlight my background in the jam butty mines, my diddy davey lamp on my head and face red with jam on my way home from the pit for a tin bath in front of the fire. A simple welsh rarebit from Fortnum and Masons warming on the Aga. First record will be to celebrate the Big Dig, "Road Rage" by Catatonia, actually that reminds me of look on the faces of the audience during my recent lecture tours "Forty Days And Forty Winks with The Squire of Grotty Cash"

People really are queueing up to see me speak. I must demand a smaller lecturn though, I get out of breath jumping up and down so they can see my head.

So missus back to Bighead FM, I am going to take the airwaves by storm, a little opera slot in the morning....no missus not Oprah! Opera...Verdi,Puccini,Lasagne. If I may be serious for a moment ladies and gentlemen, I have actually re-written Wagners Ring Cycle for modern day. In my new version Das Merseygold, starts with the blonde merseymaids guarding the Lieverpool gold and then along comes a poisonous little dwarf who tricks them all stealing lot. He renounces love and honour because he can still have lust and wealth. That is followed by The Valkries, where the blonde maidens really start to get screwed for losing the gold, you know the main tune..used in the war film film Apackofcrisps Now! Dumb diddy dumb dumb, dumb diddy dumb dumb...and by jove you were dumb!
Then there is Seigleader, the noble fool who brings about his own downfall trying to take on
the poison dwarf. And of course it all ends in tears with the Twighlight of the Dogs in Bloggerdammerung, as we see the downfall of the gods through greed, avarice and betrayal.

You see i can be serious and satirical missus and once my updated version is produced, I fully expect once again to have people worshipping my Ring...by jove back to the smut and innuendo quick as a flash!

Now before I go, i must say something about the Sir Diddy Hogwash Partnership, my little investment company to set aside something for a rainy day. If you want to be in my company and not many do, in fact so far it's just me and Lady Diddy, and she's not that keen, you can buy a share for a quid. This company could be hugely influential, alter the course of business for the 21st century.....a soon I find out what it does, we can start influencing. So come on down, the price is right missus, what's a pound to you? You already handed me 340,000 of them for nothing, by jove and there's plenty more out there!

A quick hello by the way to one of my ex Diddyrectors whom I hear is making a local comeback, Cheeky Chuck Parker. A fine young man who will go a long way, the further the better. You'll get no more out of me! I hope he can make a contribution to capital of culture, he was always full of bright ideas, always looking to dip his nib and get something down. I remember us thrashing around a few ideas about what we could do to make capital of culture a success. Like me, he isn't a fan of the Beatles (Jo Brown and the Bruvvers)and obviously a re-union was off the cards but people were pushing to get Paul McCartney involved. Charlie said that Mccartney was an idiot and had done of nothing merit since the Beatles. Well what about Wings? somebody said and Charlie replied, "Yes that would be good, we could sell wings with commemwerwative bwacelets wiv the 08 wogo on" Titters all round missus and the usual arguments followed as people walked out including Charlie saying they couldn't work amongst all the wanqours and compwete wack of wespect.

And that's what we need wespect...Respect especially for our elderly citizens...Up the pensioners! So come on, show you still care, send me a quid and buy a little bit of Diddy. After all i have done you for, support me now in my hour of greed.

And now now before Sailing by on Wicked FU here is the Grabbing Forecast...

Tatty bye everybody Tatty bye!

Sir David Henshaw

WATCH OUT WALES!!!!! - SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES.................

DISGRACED chief executive Sir David Henshaw is putting on his dancing shoes (cuban heeled, ed) and making a bid to set up a radio station in South Wales.

Sir Diddy is a Director of Wicked FM (you couldn't make this stuff up, could you? ed) which is bidding for the independent local radio licence for South Wales.

Readers will remember Wicked's first bid for Liverpool last year ended in disaster for Sir Diddy and cost him a few bob.He was then Chairman of the Liverpool bid for obvious reasons. But he has now been demoted to a Director and Wicked have instead got a Welsh bloke to front up their application, so they look a bit local.

But in their submission document for south Wales (which is interestingly NOT in Welsh, ed) Wicked FM still make Sir Diddy one of their big noises.
They say of Sir Diddy:

"Sir David brings an insight into the importance of the relationship between media broadcasters and the local community (do me a favour, ed). His experience in creating critical bridges between the two is an invaluable part of the Wicked FM bid." (This bid is obviously also doomed, ed)

This will all be news to staff at Radio City in Liverpool, which Sir Diddy once loftily dismissed as 'very low grade', promising never to darken its doorsteps. It will also be news to staff at BBC Radio Merseyside for which Sir Diddy had a similarly lofty disdain.

More importantly it will be news to the local community in Liverpool who Sir Diddy robbed blind during his time as chief executive, when he lined his own pockets at its expense.
Sir Diddy has 500 shares (bought with council taxpayer's money, ed) in Wicked FM which will be "a modern rock station supplying chart and album track indie, alternative rock and rhythmic guitar based music from the last 20 years meeting the clear demand in South Wales for a station that satisfies audiences under 40 who don’t want either chart pop based music or RnB dance music," their submission breathlessly intones.

And it goes on: (oh tell me it does'nt, ed)

"The tone of the station will be undeniably Welsh. Wales is currently reasserting its culture, re-establishing nationhood and building a future for its citizens, particularly the young, who will be the ones to realize Wales’s future. The station will be totally committed to satisfying its Welsh audience and advertisers, it will be the antithesis of a station/format imported from England. "

Funny that everyone listed as a Director is both English and an imported old has-been, like Sir Diddy. His only connection with Wales is his legendary holiday home in Harlech, which has surprisingly still not been targetted by incendiary Welsh nationalists. (Altogether now: 'we'll keep a welcome in the hillsides....', ed)

The franchise is the largest in Britain and Sir Diddy hopes it will give him a cuban-heeled foot in the door to other lucrative FM radio franchises in Wales. (After that it will be Poland, and then world domination, ed)
Here's some other info from the Wicked bid document:
• Wicked FM is majority owned by UK Media and Radio Ltd, which is principallyfunded by the Global Media Rights Fund, a Jersey based investment fund with a commitment to investing in UK commercial radio.
And this is the info about Henshaw:

SIR DAVID HENSHAW

Occupation: Chairman NHS North West
Other Directorships: Non Executive Director Hedra Plc
Non Executive Director Albany Investment Trust Plc
Non Executive Director North West Enquirer Ltd
Other Media Interests: None (he reads the Independent, doesn't he???????????? ed)
Sir David Henshaw was the Chief Executive of Liverpool City Council from 1999 to 2006. He was also Chief Executive of Liverpool Culture Company, Deputy Chair of the board of the Mersey Partnership and Chair of Liverpool Partnership Group (blah, blah, blah, ed)........ he obtained a degree at Sheffield in Public Administration (he's still ashamed he went to a Poly, isn't he? ed) and then a.....(blah, blah, blah...ed)

The funniest thing is that Sir Diddy, who thinks The Magic Numbers are the pension he robbed from Liverpool, only likes opera and even had to hide his dislike of The Beatles from councillors in Liverpool!

Sir David Henshaw

SIR DIDDY GOES ON THE LECTURE CIRCUIT TO TRY AND CASH IN ON LIVERPOOL

DISGRACED former chief executive Sir David Henshaw is hitting the lecture circuit - to try and cash in on Liverpool.
Sir Diddy has been using the old pals act around his contacts in SOLACE - the Society for Local Authority Chief Executives - to try and get himself another earner.
The tactic of hawking himself around has paid off in at least one case - Henshaw has been booked to appear at a seminar next month.
Sir Diddy will be donning his best suit, shining up his Cuban heels and driving down to Birmingham in his new range rover for the ICS Annual Public Sector Seminar on 19-20 April.
This little talking shop is being hosted by Stephen Hughes, Chief Executive at Birmingham City Council, who is an old contact of Henshaw's - the two go back even before the blackmailer was at Knowsley.
Hughes is also a mate of Sir Michael Lyons - the guy brought in by Henshaw to mediate with council leader Mike Storey at the height of the civil war in Liverpool.
It now seems that Lyons may not have been as independent and neutral as was claimed at the time.
Henshaw is described in the publicity material for the seminar as "high-profile and authoritative" (Christ, these people will believe anything won't they? ed).
The publicity makes no mention of the fact that councillors in Liverpool refused to work with Henshaw any longer after his attempted coup and blackmailing.
They eventually showed him the door just as the full scale of his corrupt mismanagement was becoming clear.
Amongst the other speakers are:
• Stephen Taylor, Chief Executive, from the Leadership Centre for Local Government and
• David Clark, Director General, the Society for Local Authority Chief Executives and Senior Managers (SOLACE).
Both of these are also loyal Henshaw acolytes who are part of a small local government coterie which Henshaw cultivated while at Knowsley and then Liverpool.
They are all part of the SOLACE network whose main purpose in life appears to be staging conferences and seminars at which their mates are the guest speakers!
They all take turns apiece to appear and try to impress the impressionable in local government.
And Henshaw's fee for appearing at this latest stop by the SOLACE gravy train?
Of course the conference organisers won't reveal this informatiom, but informed sources tell us Henshaw will be trousering £6,000 for his one-hour appearance.

REVEALED: Where Henshaw has put the £300,000 he blackmailed and stole from the council taxpayers of Liverpool!

DOCUMENTS from Companies House reveal exactly what has happened to the £300,000 which Sir David Henshaw blackmailed from Liverpool.

Sir Diddy, who used extortion, threats, blackmail and lies to eventually escape with the pay-off has now set up his own company, the grandly named - David Henshaw Partnership Limited.
Not surprisingly however, no-one else has yet been prepared to put their names to Diddy's 'Partnership' except Sir Diddy and his long suffering missus, lady Alison.
Sir Diddy was finally forced out as chief executive of of Liverpool city council last March when councillors refused to work with him any longer.
But just before he fled with his huge bag of swag, Sir Diddy got his accountant to set up the 'David Henshaw Partnership' for £1, using the 'off the shelf' name Brighton Secretary, of 3 Marlborough Road, Lansing, West Sussex.
Once Sir Diddy had resigned, the way was then left clear for Sir Diddy to have total control of his new company with his 'poor' missus. There are no other Partners listed in the Partnership.
Companies House documents give a formal and routine description of what the business is for - everything from loaning money to property investment - but clearly Sir Diddy believes that squirrelling away his cash in the company will result in considerable tax advantages. (If anyone wants to see the full documents, send us an email, ed)

But crucially, the official documents reveal that:


"The Company's share capital is £300,000 divided into 100,000 ordinary Class 'A' shares of £1 each, 100,000 ordinary Class 'B' shares of £1 each and 100,000 ordinary Class 'C' shares of £1 each."

So that's where all that council taxpayer's money went!

Further enquiries with Companies House have revealed the following details about the Diddy Partnership:
Company Number: 05736115
Date of Incorporation: 09/03/2006
Company Name: DAVID HENSHAW PARTNERSHIP LIMITED
Registered Office: CENTURY HOUSE, ASHLEY ROAD, HALE, CHESHIRE. WA14 9TG
Company Type: Private Limited Company
Country of Origin: United Kingdom
Status: Active
Nature Of Business (SIC(92)):None Supplied
Accounting Reference Date: 31/03
Last Accounts Made Up To: (NO ACCOUNTS FILED)
Next Accounts Due: 09/01/2008
Next Return Due: 06/04/2007
Last Bulk Shareholders List: Not available
Number of current appointments: 3

SECRETARY: HENSHAW, ALISON
Appointed: 10/03/2006
Date of Birth: 22/12/1960
Nationality: BRITISH
Address:
9 BARKHILL ROAD
AIGBURTH
LIVERPOOL
MERSEYSIDE
L17 6AY

DIRECTOR: HENSHAW, ALISON
Appointed: 10/03/2006
Date of Birth: 22/12/1960
Nationality: BRITISH
Address:
9 BARKHILL ROAD
AIGBURTH
LIVERPOOL
MERSEYSIDE
L17 6AY

DIRECTOR: HENSHAW, DAVID GEORGE BAM SOCSCI FIMGT SIR (for it is he, ed)
Appointed: 10/03/2006
Date of Birth: 07/03/1949
Nationality: BRITISH
No. of Company appointments: 15
Address:
9 BARKHILL ROAD
AIGBURTH
LIVERPOOL
MERSEYSIDE
L17 6AY



THANKS TO FRIEND FOR HIS/HER WELL INFORMED COMMENTS WHICH LED TO THIS POST!

Sir David Henshaw

WE BET HENSHAW GOT HIS BONUS....

The CSA has been criticised by parents

Staff at the failed Child Support Agency were paid £25m in bonuses over five years, government figures reveal.

In 2006, when the government announced the CSA would be replaced, £4m was paid out in bonuses, it was revealed in a written Parliamentary answer.

The CSA is being abolished after failing to collect £3.5bn of child maintenance payments.

For the Tories, Philip Hammond said it would come as a shock to the 1.4m families using the CSA.

"It's as easy for a rich diddyman to enter the kingdom of health as it is for a cabal to pass through the eye of an evil...."

The Squire Of Daddies Cash said...

By Jove, I'm back, yes the big digger missus! Right into your pockets!

Here again, like the proverbial bad penny, ha, ha, no such thing as a bad penny, send them to me missus, by jove. Never mind under the floor boards, my new house will be built on Williamson's Tunnels. Plenty of room there to store the grotty cash!

Now this thing is still going on about me being the Squire of Medi-cash, but todays sermon members of the parrish of St Tony, is on a subject very close to my height...Children!

Yes my missionary work with the CSA. Cash Supplied Abundantly! Now at first I wasn't sure if I should take up a position as a missionary, so i consulted Doc the Marmaliser. I said what would you think of a missionary position? He said go for it Diddy, but not in the shower, the water can go up your nose. So I thought long and hard.... did I have the skills and the ability, the passion, the committment..then I thought about the 900 quid a day.

So you see it was a personal calling for me. £900 a day, that's more than the cost of a councillors computer..nearly. But it's not the money missus it's other higher rewards...bigger heels for me shoes..no higher than that. I know what your thinking, it's as easy for a rich diddyman to enter the kingdom of health as it is for a cabal to pass through the eye of an evil.

Now, "Give me a child to the age of 7.." the Jesuits used to say, actually one of the silent orders said it first, but nobody heard them.

Give me a child to the age of 7 and I'll clear off and you'll never see a penny. That was my brief to overhaul the CSA (Cash Still Accummulating) and track down these absent fathers. Unfair to the diddy dads some may say? Come off it, they're all loaded, staying at Buckingham Palace dressing up as batman? One of them owns a crane, I've seen him danngling off it dressed as Spiderman.

Why Superheroes missus? why Batman,Superman Spiderman? If they want Justice, why not dress as Ombudsman? If they stopped dressing as Milkman there might be a few less skint kids missus. And it is heart breaking.....to think of all that missing money..

I did me reaearch by jove yes! In this day and age, children barefoot on cobbled streets huddled in doorways in our own city! A scandal... not even a pair of scandals!

If you don't believe me you can see the pictures for yourself in the Library. "Liverpool" by Gon Days. short for Gonville i think. Published only last year. So my research is up to date. An outrage!

Believe me, ladies and gentlemen I was determined that these children should get the help they need. Just imagine the difference it would make if these families had enough money to phone LDL for help. By Jove,...they'd make a fortune! Another one! keep them on hold...if they're in a phone box at least they are out of the rain..some words of comfort while they are on hold..." all our advisers are busy looking for other jobs....your cash is important to us...we are currently in a queue at the bank."

So anyway half a million later when I found me quil, i wrote my report on the back of a spare vest. I'd already sent some briefs earlier.

Sack half the staff, they are all rubbish, for the rest, purchase200 pocket calculators (only £3500 each from one of my contacts in LDL plus service charge and AA battery not supplied) and a phonebook. Then innstigate the classic sting operation to track down the Dads!

Hello is that Mr Cockie-leekie? your son Wee Hamish has won the Lottery and wants you to come home. Soon as he sets foot back in the house, turn him upside down by the ankles and shake! Please make cheque payable to Sir Diddy.

Now some people said my report was a load of rubbish and achieved nothing. Nonsense I say, look at my bank balance now missus!

Actually before I go on, I wish to withdraw something I put in earlier...behave yourself madam, not even with somebody else's tickling stick! No not hindsight for the missing dads either, I am referring to a comment about Doc the Marmaliser and misdoings in the shower. Now this appalling Blog business has been very unfair, labelling him the dirty dog and the Rottweiller..sniffing around Golden receivers. So i would like to make it clear right now that he was cleared of any wrong doings whatsoever by a stewards enquiry at Crufts.

Ahhh i wonder if he misses me. Those days sharing the council chamber pot, him lifting me on and off and then wiping my pc for me. What a gap i must have left. Is it possible that they could find somebody who could fill my shoes missus? They did show me the top 3 choices Ronnie Corbett, Jeanette Krankie and Jimmy Clitheroe..all too busy. I did hear that Little Richard was interested, but he was too busy trying to find out just who

this Tracey Parrish was. Well I can answer that...It was none other than that media menace Judy Finnigan! yes, not the first time she's tried to expose the diddies to the public! Well all I can say is that whoever was chosen as my successor, I hope he does a good job for the city. He'll never have as many hits as me, I just hope he doesn't try and do cover versions.

Arthur Askey would be my choice, yes big hearted Arthur..perhaps he was on the bee list? Is it Arthur?

Anyway ladies and gentlemen, I think I have said enough. If after reading my wise words and comments, you still think I was wrong in some of my actions as Squire...be kind to my memory.

Remember, my work for the CSA was also in recognition of my own unhappy childhood. Yes the Jesuits were right about the formative years. they can influence a man. I was after all a war baby, born durng the blitz in the bed next to Stan Boardmans act. Yes a war baby! the midwife took one look and said whooooaar, what's that?

I was a diddy baby too, delivered by tweezers. But at 3 months old I was kidnapped by Gerbils and held for ransom. Nobody would pay the 37 shillings and sixpnce they demanded and i think that is why money became so important to me in later life.

The gerbils quickly grew to loathe me after I privatised their wheel but they were afraid to bring me back because owing to a misprint on a government telegram in 1939, Britain had been at war with the Gerbils for 7 years. So they dumped me in a moses basket and floated me off down the mersey...I still sleep in it to remind me. By the time I was re-united with my diddy family, my charecter was formed.

So i can't help myself missus...actually I can and do ha ha by jove yes! But that's the man that stands here before you...here..no here...down here missus!

Well this is my last contribution to these glorious pages. I'm off to pursue another new career as a writer. i am going to team up with professor Tom Slemen, the man of Liverpool mysteries and blood curdling tales of long ago. Yes madam it'll send chills up your flannel nighty, especially when you are out going to the off licence in your dressing gown pretending to be a Pete Price listener. Me and Professor Slemen have uncovered new evidence about an old Liverpool horror story,about which i have a particular insight.

That of an evil little goblin figure who used to terrorise the good people of Liverpool, making their souls and wallets feel cold and empty, a hideous sight last seen leaping from the roof of the town hall to the municipal building and then onto the roof of all of the banks along Castle Street, leaving large filthy deposits as people cried helplessly.

Yes, you know who I mean, none other than the notorius Liverpool legend, Cuban Heeled Jack !

So Tatty bye everybody Tatty bye!

3:14 AM

HENSHAW and HEALTH - MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND

Within days of Sir David Henshaw being appointed to the Regional Health Authority, he was showing his true colours.
One of his first acts in his £40,000 a year post (plus unknown expenses, ed), was to insist that he should be appointed as Chair of the Authority's Remuneration Committee.
This is the committee which decides if a particular manager of a Trust should get a pay rise, a pay freeze, or even a pay cut (unheard of, ed).
It also sets the pay levels for new management recruits (Dr David McElhinney by any chance? ed) and decides what little perks they should get - relocation expenses, transport, hospitality budget, etc, etc.
One Gateway House insider said: "Sir David made it very clear that he regarded the Remuneration Committee as crucially important in deciding the level of rewards for senior staff and that he would take a very pro-active role as Chair."
In one fell swoop Henshaw has thus ensured the reluctant loyalty of health chiefs, who will not get the pay rise they want if they don't obey Sir Diddy's orders.
No doubt he will also use his position to pursue his all-consuming interest in making money for himself and his friends.
Interestingly the Regional Health Authority has just announced, AT HENSHAW'S INSTIGATION, that it will be adopting an American system for rewarding hospitals in future.
Those hospitals who have a good record of making patients better, will get extra money.
Paying them by results, it is called.
This was a money-driven brainwave that Henshaw brought back from the US during one of his many 'fact-finding' trips across the pond at taxpayers expense.
We just wonder what happens when a patient dies?
Will their family be able to claim a tax rebate?